On dying and living


     I’ve come close to dying on two separate occasions, and all the misdeeds I have done flashed back.

     The first one was when I had a drug overdose. It took me several attempts to reveal this but finally, after three decades, I had the courage to share this unfortunate event to serve as a lesson for others. I took my father’s gun and attempted to blow my brains out but did not have enough courage to pull the trigger. I sold the gun and when my father came looking for it, I attempted to take my own precious life through drug overdose.

     Bloods in my heart run speedily over my body, and I felt the fear of dying without anybody knowing I am dead. Subconsciously, I rode a taxi going to my friend’s house, George Gareza. He was living with his uncle, a former high ranking rebel, who surrendered to the government during Cory Aquino’s presidency. They immediately went to the house of then barangay captain, Lolo Nido Deferia, who was my Lolo Sitong’s first cousin. Death evaded me and my contract with life was extended from that fateful day in 1990 up to now. Until when this new contract will expire, only God knows.

     Thanks to George for being my angel, and to my late Lolo Nido, who brought me to Riverside Medical Center. I was hospitalized for a couple of days. Our family never discussed this openly, except in passing, and would immediately stop the conversation. I am blessed to have a supportive family, and pity to those who died from the same predicament without having the opportunity to see the brighter side of life.

     Sometimes, and most of the times, we ran into small problems that from our perspectives are big enough to push us to say goodbye to life and hello to damnation.

     During my first year in high school, I damaged my classmate’s Rotring pen. Liza Ledesma told me it was her brother’s and ashamed of what I did, I never came back to class for a quarter of the year.

Everyday our driver takes us to school and after getting out of the car, I proceed to the plaza and wait for the movie houses to open. During the 80’s, double films were shown at these movie houses and I used to watch them twice before going home. On other days when I have seen all the movies, I will go to billiard centers and play all day, gamble actually, to have the extra money to spend for the tickets to the movie houses.

The second time I came close to dying was in November 2023. But God, once again, spared me and thus, Wise Or Otherwise was reincarnated. During the time I was lonely, I started to ask, “Why me, God?” He answers, “Why not?”

We all do not have the right to question God’s wisdom. Our ways are not His ways, and our thoughts are not His thoughts. 

      These bitter experiences lead me to choose better. God has endowed us with limitless powers, but we fail to discover them and choose to live as stray dogs. We eat leftovers as dogs instead of eating at the King’s prepared table.

      God has redirected my life and I am thankful and grateful that He did. He is indeed, a loving and merciful God that despite our shortcomings, He fill all the voidness that we encounter.

     Are you at a loss? If you are, give me a call and I will make you laugh. I will not charge you for a penny, but make sure you value yourself because your worth is more than a penny. Do not throw it away.

     Now, feel that living is better than dying. Live your life through God’s word, and when your contract expires, discover that dying in God’s prepared place is better. Happy living.||