My son came to me in tears, asking if he could transfer to another school. When I asked why, he said his classmates teased him relentlessly because he was a transferee in second year high school (now Grade 8 in the K-12 system). I told him transferring wouldn’t stop the teasing; it might even get worse elsewhere. He then suggested quitting school for the year and continuing the next year with new classmates.
At that moment, my wife, China Marie, told him if he stopped, he should sell fruits in front of the school to earn money for tuition next year. The silence that followed showed how much that idea struck him.
This scenario repeats itself in schools everywhere worldwide. I never reported my son’s experience to the school because teasing is something many students face in some form. I was lucky not to experience it myself, but if I had, a fistfight might have been my solution.
I told Osmund to face the problem and endure the teasing, as long as it didn’t become physical. Since I didn’t give him the option to run away, he went to school every day, dragging his feet. He either endured the teasing or sell fruits outside his school as a vendor.
Though this happened over two decades ago, I share this story with anyone worried about bullying. While laws protect against bullying, sometimes they lead to overreactions that prevent children from developing resilience. We risk raising kids who run away from challenges instead of standing up to them.
When I asked Osmund how he overcame the teasing, he said it faded naturally, but not without help from an “angel.” A female classmate stood up for him, telling the bullies, “You’re insulting him, but honestly, his behind looks better than your faces!” From that day, the teasing stopped and life at school for him became normal. Sadly, he can no longer remember the name of that brave classmate.
Even adults insult newcomers in workplaces or social groups. This negative behavior often continues into adulthood. If a child runs away from such challenges in school, they may continue to avoid confrontation later in life, changing jobs or places instead of facing problems.
We have two choices: feed children lies about a perfect world or teach them the realities of life. As a father, I won’t tolerate anyone hurting my son, but I won’t fight his battles for him. One day, I will be gone—who will stand up for him then? Teaching children to resolve conflicts early builds strength and independence. Don’t let them hide behind you when trouble arises.
My former boss, Frank Ayre, used to say to those complaining about unfairness at work, “Who said life is fair?” Life will always have stronger and weaker players. It’s up to each of us to either live with it or leave.
In the end, resilience is the best armor against life’s challenges—starting with the schoolyard. ||
