The notion that flattery can open doors or establish alliances with those who hold power is as old as human interactions. One can imagine a meeting between two tribes of ancient humans, with one seeing that the other was more numerous and well-armed, and deciding to appeal to their vanity to forestall violence.
When the recipient of such flatter is an ego-driven individual, especially one who exhibits sociopathic tendencies, such tactics are not only useless but can be dangerous.
At first blush, flatter seems harmless, if somewhat insincere, a stroking of the ego, a kind of verbal pat on the back to lubricate the social wheels. But, for ego-driven people, flattery is seldom taken at face value. Instead, it is absorbed into the architecture of their self-regard, often inflating their already bloated sense of invincibility. The danger lies in distorting reality.
Using flattery to influence someone whose actions are motivated by ego means reinforcing their belief that they are exceptional, infallible, and deserving of special treatment. They are prone to disregard dissenting opinions, resent constructive criticism, and become increasingly isolated in the universe of their own self-importance. And, like a child who is given ice cream as a behavioral motivator, they never get enough.
When ego is paired with sociopathic traits, such as lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and tendency to deceive, the risks of flattery rise sharply. Sociopaths are experts at reading others’ intentions, and flattery serves as a signal that you’re seeking favor or protection.
Instead of earning their goodwill, it marks you as weak, gullible, and open to exploitation. They will use your desire to please as leverage, extracting favors, confidential information, or resources, only to toss you aside as soon as they see you as no longer useful.
Flattery can embolden a sociopath to act with even less restraint or accountability. If surrounded by sycophants and flatterers, they interpret this as an endorsement of their behavior, no matter how unethical or harmful it is. The feedback loop created by such an environment stifles dissent and encourages further manipulation, dishonesty, and outright abuse. Those who attempt to influence a sociopath through flattery can find themselves complicit in destructive acts, swept along by the momentum of unchecked ego and cruelty.
This puts a psychological strain on those caught up in the web of the sociopath that should not be underestimated. Having to continually bend words and actions to please an ego-driven sociopath can erode integrity and sense of self. It fosters a climate of anxiety, as the flatterer must constantly calculate what will please the massive ego of the sociopath, never sure whether approval or attack will follow. In dealing with a sociopath, this anxiety can intensify as their unpredictable moods and calculated cruelty ensure that loyalty and praise offer no reliable protection.
In the end, the practice of flattering ego-driven sociopaths is not just ineffective—it’s dangerous. Instead of currying favor, the flatterer risks reinforcing dangerous patterns, losing freedom, and becoming an unwitting participant in cycles of manipulation.
The wise course is not to flatter, but to maintain clear boundaries, seek truth over approval, and recognize that genuine influence is not won through empty praise. Only then can you preserve dignity and sanity. If you are in an organization where that is impossible, the only sane course is to leave.
Climbing onto a sociopath’s bandwagon will take you on a ride, with a destination you would be better to avoid. | NWI
