No matter who you are, or where you work, chances are you will, on more than one occasion, find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to ‘have the talk.’ No, I’m not talking about that conversation with your kids about where babies come from. I’m talking about the times when you feel that you’ve been insulted, discriminated against, treated badly, or threatened in your workplace.
Unfortunately, as hard as some people try to deny or ignore it, these things happen more than one might imagine. Those who deny the existence of institutional biases of all kinds are either asleep or lying, and regardless of which, they are part of the problem. There is violence and discrimination in far too many workplaces and talking about it is the first step to doing something about it.
First, we all have biases. We absorb them with mother’s milk. Some people are unaware of these ‘beliefs,’ taking them for ‘just the way things are.’ For instance, where I grew up in rural East Texas, it was commonly accepted that women were weaker than men and had to be protected, despite the plainly-observed fact that many of the families in our community were led by women. That’ though, is how bias works.
When we encounter evidence that contradicts strongly-held beliefs, we tend to ignore it.
So, how do we talk about these sensitive, difficult issues? I have, over more than half a century working in the bureaucracy, developed some relatively simple steps for it.
It starts with ‘know yourself.’
While physical assaults are pretty cut and dry, other situations when you might feel insulted, assaulted, or discriminated against are not always clear cut. We all filter what we see and hear through the lenses of our experiences and knowledge, and sometimes things are not what we interpret them to be. An example of this occurred when I was the American deputy chief of mission, the number two, in our embassy in Freetown, Sierra Leone in the early 1990s, during that countries rebel war and military government.
I met frequently with the embassy section chiefs in an effort to keep their morale up so they could keep their staffs motivated. Now, I grew up on a farm in East Texas in the 40s and 50s and came from a very much verbal culture. People I knew used stories, fables, and parables to make their points. So, I often used rustic rural metaphors or stories when talking to people.
One day, after being asked if we might not consider reducing embassy staff and our programs in the face of increased rebel attacks in the countryside, I responded that we would not be like a dog in a fight who lies on his back and exposes his vulnerable underbelly. I noticed that one woman in the group looked confused and angry as I spoke, so I called her aside when the meeting ended and asked what was wrong. I was surprised at her response that my story about the dog seemed sexually explicit and had offended her.
When I picked my jaw up from the floor, I explained to her that dogs do what I described to acknowledge defeat, and there’s nothing sexual about it. Surprised, herself, she admitted that she’d never had a pet, and knew nothing about animal behavior.
Both of us learned something that day. She learned that things can often be interpreted completely wrong if you apply the wrong criteria to them, and I learned not to assume that everyone knows the same things that I know. Bottom line, make sure you’re interpreting things right before doing anything else.
Once you’ve determined that something bad has happened, the next step is to know the organization.
Usually, when an employee has a problem, it’s taken to his or her supervisor. What do you do, though, when the problem is your supervisor? It pays to know where in the organization you can go in such cases. Also, it’s a good idea to be very familiar with your organization’s rules on reporting discrimination or abuse and follow them to the letter.
Offer solutions, not just problems.
When I was a young lieutenant I worked with an old first sergeant who always said, don’t take problems to your commander, take him solutions. What he meant by that was, when you’ve experienced a problem, think of how the organization can correct the situation, and present that along with your report of the problem. Depending on the organization, this will be welcomed.
Be brave and be persistent.
Talking about troubling and sensitive things is never easy, but it has to be done if bad situations are to be corrected. If you experience or observe things in your organization that are wrong, pull up your big kid britches and do something about it. Bureaucracies are notorious for avoiding problems. Don’t let yours be one of them. When you’re tackling such things, stick to your guns – don’t cut and run. – NWI
