If you want to kill a conversation, it’s as easy as pie, and it’s not by using clichés like ‘easy as pie’ either. Whether it’s in a conversation with coworkers or at a party with old friends, you can send a conversation spiraling into the trash bin simply by asking one of the five questions below. I know it’ll kill any conversation you try to start with me.
1. “So, how much do you make?” The response I want to give to this is ‘none of your business,’ but courtesy forbids it. What I do instead, is say something like, “It varies, depending on the season.” This has always been one of those questions that I’ve considered personal and off limits in conversation unless you’re a hiring manager interviewing someone for a job. Since I retired from government and have reached the age when most people only receive retirement, but do fulltime teaching and writing, being asked seems even more intrusive than it did before. So, don’t ask, because I won’t tell.
2. “How old are you?” I was always taught to never ask a woman’s age. News flash! You shouldn’t ask a man either, especially if he has white hair and beard. If you’re a much younger person, it’s just plain rude, and if you’re in my age neighborhood, or think you are, you’d be embarrassed to learn that I’m probably much older than you, but don’t look it. Whichever, most people, gender notwithstanding, don’t like this question.
3. “Who did you vote for?” In the US these days, given the hyperpartisan nature of our politics, this is a question that can only lead to arguments. If I voted for someone you don’t like, you might feel obligated to comment on it, and if we voted for the same candidate, it’s likely to lead to a conversation that will alienate others within earshot. Besides, sex, religion, and politics have always been topics that I was taught to never bring up.
4. “Is that your real hair, or do you dye it?” Believe it or not, even as a man, I get this question a lot. I think it’s because my hair is snow white but my face is wrinkle free, and the question asking finds it hard to believe that those two conditions can co-exist. At any rate, such a question is just plain rude.
5. “Have you put on weight?” Before you ask, yes, I’m sensitive about my weight. Until a few years ago, I tipped the scales at 240, which was wreaking havoc with my arthritic knees. I determined to lose 40 pounds, and succeeded. Now, four years after that achievement, whenever I put on an extra pound or two, it’s painfully obvious, and I don’t like to be reminded of it. No one does. So, don’t ask.
That’s it. Five sure-fire ways to extinguish a conversation quicker than blowing on a match. And, as a bonus, I’d like to leave you with another phrase you should erase from your lexicon immediately and permanently. Never, ever start a conversation with “It’s none of my business but…” If it’s none of your business, it should stay that way. Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? | NWI
