Transactional relationships are those relationships that are based on mutual benefit and need between two people. In such relationships, both sides have expectations that they expect the other side to fulfill. The relationship is treated as a business deal. In transactional relationships, people do things for others because they expect to get something in return.
These kinds of relationships, whether they be personal, professional, or even diplomatic, are not negative in and of themselves. But, depending upon the personalities of the individuals involved, they can be toxic and dysfunctional. While the give and take of transactional relationships is meant to benefit both sides, some transactional relationships are decidedly one-sided.
If one—or heaven forbid, both—parties in a transactional relationship are sociopathic the expectations and demands can be oppressive and marked by narcissism, and can eventually lead to a rupture of the relationship. If you’re now thinking that this is no big deal, consider this.
According to research, anywhere from four to fifteen percent of people in the world suffer from at least one social personality disorder.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, approximately three to five percent of the American population are sociopaths. What this means in laymen’s terms is that you probably live in the same neighborhood or work in the same organization with a sociopath. A large number of our political leaders are apt to have sociopathic tendencies, and many of them have a preference for transactional leadership.
Why should this matter to you? Why should you care?
Just as among people, relations between and among nations are more effective when they’re built on trust and respect. If a relationship is treated as a quid pro quo only, that is, I will do for you only if I can get something in return, that’s bad enough.
But if one of the parties is a sociopath who could care less about the niceties of reciprocity and who has no ability to care about others, the relationship is heading for the rocks.
Sociopaths form no real attachments and view others as objects through which they achieve their personal goals. They hold others in low regard and feel justified in ‘putting one over on them.’ In the context of a transactional relationship, as you might imagine, this cannot but lead to a negative outcome.
What’s the key to surviving or managing such relationships? Start with a clear communication of what you expect to give and receive from the relationship. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down and negotiate, and to walk away if you feel the deal is one-sided and the other party refuses to compromise.
Be flexible and fair, and show empathy to the other side. Try to understand the motives behind the other party’s expectations. If they’re unreasonable, refer to the previous advice—if they balk, you walk.
Not all transactional relationships are bad. Business deals are all about transactions. Romantic relationships and friendships, on the other hand, aren’t, in my opinion, good candidates for transactional structure.
Relations between countries are also mostly transactional and unless one or more countries in a relationship are led by sociopaths—not as uncommon as you might think—they too can work to everyone’s benefit.
The key, though, to relationships that work is that everyone gets out of the relationship just what they put into it. | NWI
