During my thirty years as a career diplomat I was trained to avoid confrontation whenever possible. This is, in fact, part of my normal personality. There are times, however, when confrontation is not only unavoidable, but probably necessary.
Take for instance, the time when I was on my way home from work one day. The subway train wasn’t crowded. At least the car I was on wasn’t. A lady who looked to be a few years older than me who was sitting across the aisle from me struck up a conversation. I’m a Texas country boy and I’ve never been able to resist responding when people want to talk. As a matter of fact, I still on occasion respond to people on the sidewalk who I think are speaking to me when, in fact, they’re just talking on one of those hands-free mobile phones. But, back to the lady on the train.
She just started talking, telling me about her tiring day and how happy she was to be on the way home. She didn’t strike me as one of those escapees from a mental institution who talk to invisible friends, just a lonely person who wanted human interaction. So, I responded sympathetically, and even told her a bit about my day.
The idle chatter went on for a few minutes and then, out of the blue, she asked me what church I went to. Now, I’m a friendly type, but when I was growing up in East Texas there were three things you didn’t talk about . . . especially to strangers; sex, politics, and religion. All three were considered off-limits personal topics. So, I asked her why she wanted to know. “Just curious about what religion you belong to,” she responded. Not that it was any of her business, but I was still trying to be polite, so I informed her that I was Buddhist. Her response to that was, “So, you haven’t been saved yet?”
That is precisely why people shouldn’t discuss religion. She was one of those ‘born-again’ types who considered anyone not of her faith a heathen in need of saving. Had I known this at the start, I would have politely declined to talk to her . . . maybe even changed my seat on the train. But here I was already having invested around five minutes or more in chatter. We’d reached a point where the conversation had to end, but she seemed adamant in her desire to ‘save’ me.
The only way to end the conversation was to confront things head-on. So, I said, ‘No, ma’am, I reckon I haven’t been saved yet from people like you. I mean, here we are with you accosting me.” The shocked look on her face told me that she got my message loud and clear.
She sniffed derisively, dipped into her oversized purse and pulled out a Bible which she began reading as if trying to exorcise me.
As for me, I felt a little bad about hurting her feelings, but it was the only way to quickly end the conversation before one of us said something really bad. At least, though, the rest of my commute was done in silence. – NWI
