- AC HIMAYA V. TUPAS
The writer is an incoming Inter-Disciplinary Studies sophomore at the University of St. La Salle, where she is an assistant newspaper editor of The SPECTRUM, the official student publication.
She is the eldest of the two children of the late Allan Tupas and wife, Chorelie, an online consultant, of Barangay Mansilingan. At the time of his death, Tupas was school chaplain of the Bacolod Christian College of Negros Inc. and was pastor of the Agape Mission Church in Sum-ag. He died due to cardiac arrest on April 22 last year. He was 58.
The writer was a winner in the feature writing contest of the National Schools Press Conference of the Department of Education when she was in grade school at BCCNI.
Prior to her SPECTRUM position, she was features editor of The REFLECTOR of Negros Occidental High School Senior High, where she graduated with honors.
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If you were to ask my dad what his favorite song is, he would answer in an instant, with a warm smile on his face, “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon & Garfunkel.
He would always sing it in his frustrated vibrato tune and purposely humorous singing style during karaoke sessions in birthday parties, family gatherings, and even just in their random singing moments with my mom at home.
Interestingly, every time I hear the song now, I can’t help but think how much the lyrics resonate with his kind soul, how he embodies the words of the title, and how he, just like the music’s calming rhythm, brings serenity to the lives of all people whose hearts he has touched.
This time around, I want to be the one singing the song to him, at least through written words, and reverberate to the world the sweet melodies of his cherished and exceptional life.
“When you’re weary, feeling small, when tears are in your eyes, I’ll dry them all”
‘Tay, I can still vividly remember this exact line you said when you and I, along with Nanay, were having a heart-to-heart talk in our bedroom when I was a kid: “Langga, sakripisyuhon ko gid maskin ano para sa imo.” And with all that you had, you truly did.
You were there beside me since I was a child, up until I became a teenager – through the ups and downs of life. Every time I had doubts about myself, you always reminded me of my potentials, capabilities, and talents. You would tell me how proud and astonished you are of the things that I can do, which most often, I find hard to digest, given my constant imposter syndrome.
When I was crying out loud at my most stressful moments, you’d offer anything just to console me – hand me your handkerchief to wipe my tears, buy me delicious food to eat, have a pleasant dinner outside, go for a short relaxing trip, or just give me an evoking conversation of hope with your soft-spoken persona. In times of weariness and self-doubts, your restful voice was always my refuge.
“When you’re down and out, when you’re on the street, when evening falls so hard, I will comfort you”
‘Tay, I would never forget the nights when you would fetch me wherever I was just so I could get home safely. I was from a fun session with my friends at our hangout coffee shop when you picked me up late at night with your motorcycle – without a single idea in my mind that that would be the last time you could ever fetch me.
You were always one call away every time I was in need of something. There was this time back in my grade school days where I told you and Nanay that I needed some materials for a school project only the night before. Of course, mom would nag for my very late notice. But you willingly rushed to the nearest stores to get me what I needed.
When I would ask you to buy my favorite fruit at a market, you would do so. When I would plead to have stuff in a mall bought for me, you would do so. When I would randomly text you to get me emergency necessities, you would do so. You would really find every means for me and sacrifice anything, and I could only imagine what things would be like if you weren’t around to save me.
“Sail on silver girl, sail on by. Your time has come to shine. All your dreams are on their way”
‘Tay, I cannot thank you enough for believing in me more than I do. You were never vocal considering your meek personality, but I always knew that in every endeavor that I do, the look in your eyes would speak: “Langga, proud gid ako sa imo.”
A friend of yours shared to me how much you expressed pride to her when I gained an award during my first writing contest back in grade school. True enough, you would always flaunt to your friends and our relatives about my accomplishments, big or small, through the spirit of a grateful father.
Indeed, you were like a stage dad – always present in whatever competitions I joined, from local, regional, to national, you were there for me. I would see you standing from afar with your phone camera clicking towards my direction with a delighted beam on your face telling me that I could make it. You never dictated my decisions on my passion and career, you just genuinely supported me all throughout.
“Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down”
‘Tay, no matter how many people would say how much they admire me as a writer, I guess I can never put to words the amount of pain in our hearts when we laid you down to rest in your grave.
It gets heavier to process every time I recall the last time I saw your peaceful face underneath the glass of your coffin, the moment when we could barely even sing from crying while your coffin was being put down the tomb, the shaking of my hands while throwing flowers on your grave before it closed – envy that the petals could at least be close to you even in your death.
The next time I could visit your grave, I wish I could finally sing your favorite song to you with Nanay’s euphonic voice. Sitting on the grass and looking over your tombstone, I wish that you would also sing along with us from the bright heavens or anywhere in the stardust of this universe.
If I were given the chance to sing this song with you, I would play it endlessly just so I could experience dancing with you, too. I would give up anything to hear your voice again with its dulcet harmonies that transcend beyond distance and time.
You are a song whose tunes of legacy will never fade, a song that would captivate the ears of every listener, a song that sounded so good while it lasted – the lovely ballad of your life living on in our hearts and minds nevertheless.
In the turbulent storms of life and the raging waves of memories – you are, you were, and you will always be my bridge over troubled water. – NWI
